I've recently been struggling with the idea of Fatalism, Determinism,

I've recently been struggling with the idea of Fatalism, Determinism, Compatibilism, Libertarianism, etc., and from what I've been reading, the general consensus is compatibilism among most philosophers. If this is the case, then what sense is there in being proud of myself for anything good I do? Is there such thing as effort in my life, or am I just on an inevitable and programmed path? Truth is, I'm an artist. Online, I prefer images be sourced, so anyone who appreciates it enough can get to it easily, and credit goes to the artist. I like to believe that the drawings I make and images I create have something respectable behind them, effort, hard work, practice, time, determination, patience, fun.. but then this debate of Moral Responsibility comes up, and muddles me a bit. I've been experiencing alot of mental stuff for a while- and through all of this, philosophical questions, existential crises, all of it just comes and never stops. It's like there's always something for me to worry, or think too deeply about. Truth be told, I have in fact had some suicidal thoughts, but not-so-much that I have any plans to go through with it ever, I like to think I'm better than that and I'm pretty stable now. I guess it all comes from the fact that I was brought up always believing that your reality is what you make of it, try your best, never give up, doesn't matter where you start, anyone can make if if they put their mind to it, all those sorts of things, and I've had a great life so far, I can't complain in the slightest. I'm definitely thankful I'm here and all, and I like to believe that the choices and effort I made got me here, but..- well, you see my problem. I love making art for people, I love entertaining, giving gifts, cheering people up and all- I love the feeling of being thanked and thanking others for what they do, inspiring people, and just being a real go-getter in life,- But if it's all automatic and just how things -have- to happen, why should anyone ever thank me? Why even enjoy it if I have no real responsibility towards it? If it all holds true, I don't deserve anything, I never really earned anything, it's all just a big on-rails illusion. By this point in my struggle, I can accept and believe the idea that I am -all- of me, my body, my conscious, my subconscious, everything is still all part of me, and therefore me. Ultimately, I guess what I want to know is- where DOES our control lie, if anywhere at all? I guess I've been stuck in this rut of not being able to feel pride in myself and taking credit and responsibility for a while, and can't find myself a happy medium, at least not yet.. Thanks for any help you can give.

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